So I got my new tablet, and it's not a replacement Intuos 2, it's a much larger Intuos 4 model. Thanks dad, this is really, really awesome! Happy birthday indeed! Expect the digital debauchery to begin soon; More things added to Blood and Thunder, namely.

On another subject entirely, I'm really torn as far as my style vs. my drafting ability. I know that without one, the other is worthless, but when it gets right down to it, I like to sketch. I want to be able to sketch better than I can now, however, I have issues with sitting down and drawing to improve. It just feels horrible to me, and even thinking about it I'm breaking a little bit of a nervous sweat. I love to go all-out when I sketch, and let whatever happens happen, but I'm noticing little conventions in my work that I'd like to move past: bodies in the same general positions, forearms represented in one of three ways, overly muscly everything, super sci-fi creatures with no ground in reality, the list goes on. I want to break free of the habits I've formed, and that's why I've decided to major in some sort of visual arts in college. I want to land a job doing this for a living really bad, and while I might be able to do it self-training, it'd be nice to have a structural base for all of my personal oddities to spring forth from, a base in what people can relate to. That way all of my own crazy ideas are even more surprising, blossoming out of something regular.

But still, I love to come completely out of left field at people, almost to the point of "trolling for the lulz", and I feel that this will ultimately be my claim to fame. That and my ability to convey energy and liveliness without over-rendering. Idunno, it's a tough issue, and I'm severely out of info on it. I only know how I feel, and that's optimistic and excited, but rather stuck and bored. I'll head on over to the ConceptArt.org forums to see what I can improve, and what viewpoints I can amass on my general style as it is.

In other news, I'm going to start working out soon. We'll see how it goes with the chemo, I'll ask my doctor about how the healing process is affected. I'm getting methotrexate next week, so I'll be sleeping most of it off, and when I'm not sleeping I'll be peeing constantly. Woohoo, 500 milliliters of saline solution every hour is great :3

Ah, and a word about chemotherapy that probably shouldn't be mentioned outside of my journal: Check this out, it's the most badass thing I can think of. I've got this thing inside me that's a biological evolution of some kind that science is saying a big fat "No way, we like our way better," to. The way to combat this is to fill me with a poison intermittently, that kills me a little, but kills this thing faster. They then save me from this poison, either by flushing it out of my system, or with an antidote. The cancer, however, gets no quarter, and takes a little burn from the poison each time. Eventually, the cancer is as gone as we can get it, and I'm only as worse for wear as the poison makes me. And I have all these scars from being hooked up to the barbaric equipment devised for keeping me alive through the culling of the unwelcome cells. Plus I've gone through one of the most intenstely emasculating growing up rituals possible, being denied a girlfriend and working out and a job. But once I'm back I know what my limits are, exactly, and am therefore able to push myself farther than ever before. I can also relate to the worst physical and emotional suffering possible, have seen the brink of death, many times, and have lived through traumatic experiences that dwarf all others. How metal is that? That's Dimmu Borgir and Strapping Young Lad, at the very least, right there.

You all have a very spirited day, go for the gold, whatever you're doing! Remember that you won't always be able to reach your goals, so get them right now. Good luck